Ready or Not, Here It Comes

In today’s episode, we’re diving into your questions. Listener Holly F. says:
"We are in the hustle and bustle of back to school time with our three kids in three different schools. It feels a bit like the NFL draft. How do you handle all the moving parts, including the inevitable changes the school year brings to your home?"

It's back to school time and that can mean an opportunity to come back to a routine or a new challenge to resume all the activities. Whether your kids are in public school, private school or homeschool, there are some things you can do to handle all the "moving parts" with more ease, presence, and joy. A happy, healthy family is the goal. 

We'd love to hear from you! Reach out to us.
lacey@thisflockeduplife.com
becky@thisflockeduplife.com

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Transcript

0:05

Whether you're navigating the challenges of parenthood with a crying baby, a teenager, or anything in between, whether you have one child or a dozen, know this, we see you, we are you. We are modern moms and best friends with out-of-the-box kids, and we're here to cheer you on during this wild ride called motherhood. We show ourselves grace, build badass communities, and choose to embrace the chaos with love and humor. Welcome to This Flocked Up Life, because being a mom is messy, imperfect, and pretty flockin' beautiful. Hey there, I hope you're having a beautiful day. I'm Becky North, and I'm here with my favorite Fleming gal, Lacey Verbick. How are you today, Lacey? Oh, so good, Becky. Great to be with you. It's been a long time. I feel like I've been around the world and back. I had an opportunity to take eight days off and travel to Costa Rica, and it was the most magical experience I've ever had, and can't wait to tell you all more about it, but I feel like I've been gone a while. Well, I feel like it's been a long time since I've seen you, but I cannot wait to hear more about your trip. You're ready to share, of course. Oh, thank you so much for the grace around that. Yeah, it's just been a lot to process, but all wonderful, wonderful things, and big growth, and big transformation for me, so yeah, all good things. Tell me about your week. What's new in your world? Yeah, we had a great week in our house. We celebrated two big birthdays. My daughter turned 10, so our last child into double digits, and then my birthday was over the weekend, too, and so just a lot of time celebrating life and our big, beautiful impact in this world. Yes, ma'am. Both of you beautiful women are absolutely making an impact. I can't believe she's 10 years old already. Right? Oh, my gosh. She was a baby just the other day. I might still be in a little bit of denial, so yeah, I feel that completely. Well, in today's episode, we're going to jump right back into your questions, and we have a question from Holly F., who asks, we are in the hustle and bustle of back-to-school time with our three kids in three different schools. It feels a bit like the NFL draft. How do you handle all of the moving parts, including the inevitable changes the school year brings to your home? That's a good question. Oh, my gosh. Yes, my son just went back to school today, as a matter of fact, so this is crazy fresh on my mind. Yeah, I would love to hear, Lacey, a little bit more about what you think there, because, well, I know our situations are a lot different, so I'm going to let you take the lead. Yeah, but let's talk about that for a minute, if that's okay, Becky. Let's talk about, for our listeners, in case they don't know this, how our situations are a little different with education and family things. So I'll start, and we don't have to go too deep here, just for anyone who hasn't already heard about our situations and where we're coming from with our advice, I think it would be helpful. So I have two children, and one of my children is going into her sophomore year of undergrad at a university here in Indiana, and then I have a son who is 15, who is a sophomore in high school here in Indiana. We do participate in the public school system here in central Indiana, and I've had a great experience at large with that, so I'm very happy to say that, because, you know, it's not without its bumps, but for the most part, we've had a really great experience, and both of our kids, I think, have been given some pretty opportunities as a result. So Becky, you want to share? Yeah, I have three children, for those of you who don't know. Like I said, our baby just turned 10, and my oldest will be 14 here before too long, and so kind of in a bunch of different age ranges, we have two middle schoolers and one still in elementary school, and we actually homeschool and have homeschooled their entire lives. So back to school looks a lot different for us, because we choose to school year-round, which allows us to take breaks when we feel like we need them, and we get to learn about the world by seeing and experiencing it. They also have to do like, you know, one plus one equals two and those things as well, but that is the right fit for our family, and we know that it's not the fit for every family, but our kids are very involved. And so with coming into fall, even though we aren't necessarily jumping right into the like back to school lists and all of those things, we still have the everything starts up, because it seems like kind of everything follows that school calendar thing, and so having three kids interested in very, very different things and trying to do that, we still definitely feel this like NFL draft feeling, like how do you be all the places at once and how do you, you know, like how do you prepare for what you don't know is coming? Well, you handle it masterfully. I know that from watching you these several years that we've known each other, so I just always have such respect and admiration for anyone who has taken the path of homeschooling, because that is next level. Next level parenting, in my opinion, but I'll tell you what, the public schools are also making the parents work for it as well, it's just in a different way. So back to Holly's question, what I would, the first thing I would share is maybe a little unexpected, but for me back to school and kind of this big hustle and bustle and this big shift is actually one of my favorite times of the year, because it's an opportunity for my family to come back to routine. So for me back to school means back to routine, and for my household of neurodivergent folks, so my son and my husband both are neurodivergent brains, and they're so, so much more than that as well, but you know, they thrive in routine. Summers are a little bit too freestyle for the way that their brains operate and the way that they're, you know, sort of programmed, and so back to school is always kind of an exciting time in our house. Maybe that's opposite of what it is for most people out there, but in our house, it's an opportunity to come back to something more consistent and something more predictable, and that's actually really great for us. I have routine written down as well, so we continue to be in sync. The school year actually does impact our house, my house a whole lot, because while my kids don't go to public school, my husband works for the school district, and he is in a position where he is year-round, he's not a teacher, but he's in a position where he works year-round, but their summer schedule has a lot more flexibility to it, and that impacts the routine of our house, and so I feel and appreciate that, like, okay, we're going back to school, and things are back to a routine, and my kids do too, like, it's just different during the summer, so I can respect that totally. Yeah, and, you know, beyond routine, it's also about expectations, and it's about, you know, for us, the back-to-school season is a time to reset expectations and make sure that we're being really clear as parents and, you know, and also being collaborative with our kids about what are your expectations for you this year, right? What are your, you know, what do you hope to get out of this school year? What are, you know, what are your baseline for grades, right? Like, what do you expect from yourself, and kind of having some of those discussions, and then, of course, setting expectations around, you know, chores and homework and, you know, behavior around the house, and what time do you get up, and do you wake up with an alarm, and do you shower once a day, you know, or not, like, you know, and those kinds of things. It's always kind of a neat time to refresh and to make sure that our family members have clear expectations, and I wrote down clear as kind because that's a saying that I actually, that I hold in my mind at all times when I'm dealing with my family is, like, clear as kind, just be clear, right? Like, and the more clear I am, the better results I get. When I get emotional, or I get tangled up, or I get angry, or I'm just spouting off at the end of a hard day or something, you know, that's when things just sort of go south. The more clear you can be, the kinder it is for everybody, and generally, the better the outcome, in my experience. Yeah, I have goals on my list as well. It was like setting goals. What are your goals for the school year? What are, you know, what are goals, like, not just for you in school, but, like, what do we hope to achieve as a family during this time? What do we do here? And just setting, it doesn't matter if your kids are in kindergarten, or if your kids are, you know, in college, those are good conversations to be having with them, and setting them up successfully for their lives as adults when they're no longer in your house. Them saying, okay, it's time for me to set expectations for myself, it's time for me to set goals for myself, it's time for me to do this. I think a lot of people put that around, like, oh, we need to do this January 1st, because it's the new year. But really, like, we run more on a school year style schedule, especially while we have kids, right? And so it's more of like a fiscal year than like a, oh, it's the number changed. It doesn't have to be January for you to have those conversations. 100%. That's a great point. So what the flap are you waiting for? Hit the follow button and become part of our growing flock. Because let's face it, it'll be fun, and you're worth it. I wanted to touch on when Holly, when you say handle all the moving parts. So for me, that means after school activities, extracurriculars, you know, the football, the weekend things, the marching band, the, you know, the things that are maybe outside of actual academic studies. And, you know, handling those, that's probably been one of the trickier things for me as my kids have gone through school, is figuring out how to, you know, hold on to some of the values that are important to our family. And for example, having dinner around a dinner table. That's a value that has always been really important to us. And when our lives get so full of extracurricular commitments, that those things start to fall by the wayside. And those were, we were unwilling to sacrifice or let go of in order to welcome some of those activities. And so my suggestion would be to, you know, know what your family can handle. Spend some time with that, you know, and be willing to scale back on activities or flat out say no if necessary to, you know, to maintain your sanity and your peace and your values. You know, because at the end of the day, those are things that your kids are going to remember and learn from. Those are the things that your kids are going to take into their adult lives with them as more important than I spent time playing basketball after school. And please don't think I'm digging on sports. I'm not. I love sports. My son was a wrestler. My son also does Muay Thai and Jiu Jitsu and he's into sports and I love that for him. You know, but I think back to school is not a reason to sacrifice our values. I love that you brought that up and that you talked about that. And sometimes I will say, don't sacrifice your values, right? And like, look at it if you're like, this is also really important and valuable and this, they are on a similar level, like how can you be adaptive, right? So I'm going to use Lacey, you said like dinner at the dinner table, which I love that. If you have like, that's really hard for our family right now because of how schedules are working with everything. We have football three nights a week and then we have to leave at dinner time basically. So it's just hard, but like saying, oh, we're going to make sure that we have dinner at the table together without interruption X number of times a week, period. Yeah. So if there is value in both of those things, it doesn't have to be one or the other. It can be, you absolutely can and should say no, right? Like when it just doesn't fit, but it doesn't have to be. It can also be like, like I said, it could be and, and you just have to look at how that works for you and your family. Yeah. I love that. Thank you for, thank you for adding some gray there. Cause I typically have tendency to be a little black and white and honestly, my, my neurodivergent thinkers also tend to be a little black and white. Yeah. That's, that's just what works best for our house is to say, Hey, this is, this is sacred. You know, the, this time and space is sacred for us. And that means, you know, five days a week or seven days a week or whatever that means. And yeah. And so Becky, I mean, great point that, you know, you get to define out what level those are expressed day to day or week to week. So I totally agree. Great point. I have one more thought. I wrote down the Sunday sit down and funny enough, that's a name that just came up. It sounds really cute. Doesn't it? Sunday sit down. This is something that I do when I find myself really busy in the throes of calendar management and dealing with four and five people and six people's schedules. Uh, it's, I find it really, really important to take that Sunday sit down time for me. And, and a Sunday sit down to me, it looks like I come into my office, quote unquote, a space where I have a desk and, you know, tend to do paperwork and handle bills and manage calendars and things like that. I walk into my office and I sit down for a couple of hours and I flush it all out, you know, and I make sure that all the, you know, that there's a calendar on the wall that everyone has access to. We actually use cozy the app cozy and that works really well for us. So we, we plan our menus in there. We plan our shopping lists in there. We plan our tasks in there. Um, and everybody participates and, you know, adds things that, that are important to them, to the calendar or appointments that they may have. And, and, uh, cozy has been a real lifesaver for us. Um, but I still, I still do that Sunday sit down. And at the end of that, I'm prepared to go, you know, out of my office and sit down and talk to the family and be like, so this week, here's what's coming up. You know, what do you have on your radar? You know, and we, we can have those concise, constructive conversations with each other after I've had that time to plan. It's really comforting and helps my son a great deal, uh, to know what's coming. That's a big part of his, um, his challenge with ADHD is he gets very rigidly, overly connected to knowing what's coming up. That's just really important to him. And so this is one way that I can help with that. We, we help with that on a daily basis, but, you know, by saying, Hey, this thing's coming in two or three hours, right. Cause he's still in our house and still very much relying on us for, um, you know, activities and plans and that stuff. So he doesn't drive yet and, and things like that. So where I was going with this is, is it's really important to take that time weekly, I find, and Sunday just seems to be the right time. I think it could be any time. It could be any day of the week for you, depending on your schedule, but for me, it's Sunday. And, um, and then being able to kind of brief everybody on the week to come. Um, you know, it just feels, it feels really loving and it feels really productive. It just seems to work in our house. I do love that. We use cozy too. I want to say we're not affiliated with cozy, but maybe we should. Um, but, uh, we use cozy in our house also. And I had family meeting on my thing. So I had, um, a business coach once say to me that, um, they were like, we do these own meetings in our family. And at first I was kind of like, huh, what? But, uh, we do that same thing where we kind of sit down my husband and I, and we high level overview the month, the entire month before we go into it. And then we bring our kids into the conversation and talk about the things that they have coming up and stuff. So we can kind of do that. And then once a week we do much closer to landing the plane overview of the week. And here's what we have coming up and here's what we have to prep for. And, and, you know, we haven't, I'm going to be honest, we haven't done that recently. And my family has felt it, right? Like things run smoother for everybody. And I get asked less questions. Yes. When is this or what is that? Right. Because we have talked about it and, um, just saying it out loud. We, we are out of the box thinkers in our house, a lot of neurodivergence here. And sometimes just saying it out loud, even if they don't consciously are not consciously aware of like, Oh, it's going to happen at this time. Just knowing on Monday, we have this thing. Then we get to, we get to change that a little bit. So it does affect our house. And I would fully say like, whether you want to call it the Sunday sit down, which I love, right. Or your family business meeting or whatever, there doesn't have to be anything negative around that. Um, because running your household is a business. Yes. And so, yeah, funny, funny story. My parents, uh, my mom in particular used to call it a family council meeting back when, back when I was growing up and, and look at us, we're still doing it under a different name. But, uh, but that was, that was clever. That was a fun memory that came through. I wanted to, uh, Becky, I wanted to respond to something you said, a high level month review. I think that is a fabulous idea. And I, my husband and I do do something similar, but I really never thought about keeping it high level. Um, I, we tend to get in the weeds with it because I'm a, I'm a task master and I like to be in the weeds and I don't think about it. You know, I don't think about it at 30,000 feet. I'm down at 3000 feet and yeah. And I could really see some value in that kind of looking at the month high level. So I really, I I'm actually, I'm, I'm writing that down. I learned something today. I think that's a great tip. I, and I know my husband would appreciate that because he is not, he does not think like me and he finds it, uh, he submits to my demands, but he is not very, he is not willing. So that might just change the tone of that time we spend together, uh, you know, in planning. So I appreciate that. Yeah, of course it has helped my prep for those Sunday meetings too. Like I don't have to spend as much time prepping because we've kind of already covered the high level basics. So I hope it helps you. Yeah, absolutely. Well, um, uh, I wanted to share this is, I guess, Holly, not directly related to your question, but make sure that, you know, amidst all the moving parts and the hustle and bustle of this time of year, don't forget to pause and take the picture, you know, take, take that first day of school picture, whatever that is, whatever that looks like for you, for Becky, that's, you know, that looks different in the homeschool space. For, for me, that was today from my son. And even though he's 15 and even though he made a silly face because he didn't want his picture taken. And even though his hair is styled in a way, that's not my favorite. And even though he's decided he wants to wear a mustache at 15, even though all those things, take the picture, pause, take the picture. I promise you it'll be worth it. And, uh, you know, last year, I guess I, I learned, uh, with my daughter finishing high school and going off to college, I, I celebrated so much the opportunity to reflect on her, um, a visual journey through her education. So like I have that picture of her first day of kindergarten, right? And I have that picture of her last day of high school, and I was able to sort of put those side by side and, and really just savor the, the growth and the change and the development she's had. And it was really special last year to be able to do that as she finished, uh, and, you know, celebrated her achievement. So even if your kids don't want to, and even if maybe you don't want to take that picture in that moment, take the picture. Yes. Yes. I love that. There's nothing more for me to add there. Well, I hope that helps Holly. Boy, you sure have, um, you've brought, brought the feels for me today, and this is so incredibly relevant, and I know other mothers will hopefully benefit from this discussion as well. So thank you so much for the question and for sharing your life a little bit with us today. I'll close with this. Breathe and focus, if you can, Mama, on all the growth and development and learning that's happening, and remember that a happy, healthy family is the goal. That's all for now. Until next time.