Hand Me The Remote

Let’s talk about control. It can feel like we have to manage “all the things” in our lives, but have you ever stopped to consider the cost? Chronic stress, exhaustion, and losing touch with your own power are just a few of the side effects.

In this episode, we dive into a question from Amanda R., who asks:
“There’s so much in life that’s completely out of our hands, but I know there are things we can control. How do you figure out where to focus your energy and let go of the rest?”

Spoiler alert: The only thing you can truly control is you—and that’s actually great news. Join us as we explore how to reclaim your energy, let go of what’s out of your hands, and focus on what really matters.

We'd love to hear from you! Reach out to us.
lacey@thisflockeduplife.com
becky@thisflockeduplife.com

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Transcript

0:06

Whether you're navigating the challenges of parenthood with a crying baby, a teenager, or anything in between, whether you have one child or a dozen, know this, we see you, we are you. We are modern moms and best friends with out-of-the-box kids, and we're here to cheer you on during this wild ride called motherhood. We show ourselves grace, build badass communities, and choose to embrace the chaos with love and humor. Welcome to this flocked up life, because being a mom is messy, imperfect, and pretty flocked and beautiful. Hey there, I hope you're having a beautiful day. I'm Becky North, and I'm here with my favorite Fleming gal, Lacey Verbick. How are you today, Lacey? I am doing great. I am ready. The week cannot get over fast enough for me. It's been a wild one. I've just had a lot of variety of experiences this week, and it's been wicked cold here in Indianapolis, and I am over it. How about you? You know, it's been a variety of experiences here. The wicked cold, I think we were at negative 20 with the wind chill one day this week, and that does not feel like it should be allowed, right? No, that feels insane. Yeah, just a lot of change in a lot of different ways this week, which is not necessarily a bad thing, always good, but it's just a lot. So excited for the new season coming, and I think, actually, I know, I don't think, I know that we have a special birthday coming up next week. Isn't that right, Lacey? I'm turning 29. That's right. Just kidding. Very funny. I will be a whopping 46 years old, and honestly, I've never felt like a better version of me, so I'm thrilled for my birthday, and excited to, you know, just, yeah, do all the things I love to do, hopefully, and take it easy that day, maybe. I think I'll be working, but anyway, we'll have some fun. We'll weave some fun in there somewhere, but I'm excited. I'm going to see, maybe early birthday present, but I'm going to see, oh gosh, what, I'm going to mess up his name. Hold on one second. Let me, I know this is really quality entertainment here, but I want to share, I want to share this. I'm going to see Heywood Banks tomorrow. Do you know who Heywood, do you know who Heywood Banks is? He's, he's a real funny, been a, been an entertainer for a long, long, long time. He's a kind of comedy musician, kind of a one-man show, kind of, kind of vibe, and he sings this, he sings this really hilarious song about toast, and I don't know why, but it just appeals to my sense of humor like crazy, and so I, I heard it on the radio this morning that he's performing in Indianapolis tomorrow, and I was like, oh my god, I have to go, so I called my husband while I was driving, and I was like, we're going to see Heywood Banks, and he's like, who's Heywood Banks? I was like, the yeah toast guy, so, so anyway, I'm excited that my early birthday gift is that I bought myself tickets to see Heywood Banks tomorrow, so. Well, I love that, and I think I know the toast song that you're talking about, but I could be wrong, so I don't want to like, I'm singing a song in my head, but I'm like, that may not be right. It's the song, he, he literally, he wears a toaster around his neck, and it's the one where he's going like, toast! Yeah, toast! French toast! Yes! I'm so excited. And then my favorite line is, he goes, he goes, beep, beep, beep, smoky toast, like the toaster burned your, like the toaster burned your toast, and I'm like, oh my god. Something about it, I guess it's mom humor, right? You're loving it too, see? Must be mom humor, but I just, I don't know what it is, but that just cracks me up, and I need to laugh after this week I've had, so I, I am looking forward to it so much. I love that, and I love that you're gonna find some joy for your birthday, and I'll just say, from me and our beautiful flock, happy, happy birthday, and here is to bringing so much pink into your life this year, and just making it the very best chapter yet. Woohoo! Woohoo! You are, no, you're amazing. Look at me, I'm wearing pink, and I have my cheers to our pink Stanley mugs. Cheers! Cheers! To all you beautiful Fleming gals out there that might have, probably have Stanley cups, cheers to you. Or if you don't, cheers to you too. Like, yeah, I mean, you don't have this, it's not a, Stanley's not a club I care about. Becky just sent me this for Christmas, and I love it. It's beautiful. It's because it's flamingo pink, that's why. Okay, I'm so excited about today's episode. We have an amazing question from Amanda R., and she just says, she says, there is so much in life that is completely out of our hands, but I know that there's still a lot of things that we control. How do you figure out where to focus your energy and let go of the rest? Oh boy, wow. This is actually really timely. I'm excited. I have, I have something really, uh, relevant to, to offer here, but I, I would love for you to, Becky, uh, go first, or you can pass it over to me, and I'll go first. Yeah, no, I want to hear what you have to say. I have some cool things written down, but I'm wondering how close to aligned we are, so. Oh my gosh, well, we're always very much aligned, you know that. It's always, it's always a little spooky, just how aligned we are. Um, and, and by the way, yes, you can see me better, because I got rid of my, I got rid of, I'm, I'm rearranging my equipment, uh, after we started, um, you know, doing some video here, so. Yeah. Uh, so it's me, I'm here, and I don't have a big black thing blocking my face this time, so, um, I'm just, yeah, glad to be here. Becky, you were looking much more streamlined than I was last, last episode, so I'm just, I'm just proud, I'm just proud that I'm figuring out how to make this work a little bit better for video. So let's jump in. So what I, what I'm so excited to share with you is your, your, your, your question is so relevant for me right now, because I'm in a, I'm in a book club, and I, I just generally enjoy reading self-help type books, which is so funny, because I've, I've, I've learned from talking to lots of people that you're either a self-help book person, or you're a fiction book person. I am not a fiction person. I cannot read fiction to save my life. I will go to sleep immediately. I, like, I have no bandwidth for that, but I absolutely love self-help books, so. I'm a both. I like both. You're a both. Well, how about you? I'm a both. Of course, you're a, oh, you unicorn. Anomaly. You unicorn flamingo you. Flamingo. Um, yeah, so the book that I think is so incredibly timely for this particular discussion is this one. It's new from Mel Robbins. It's called The Let Them Theory, and I am, well, I'm not a, I'm not a super nerdy book person, but I joined a book club to try to motivate myself to read more and do more with that. So The Let Them Theory, why this is relevant is The Let Them Theory is about control. It's about allowing things outside of your control and using the, the key phrase, let them, when things, when things feel hard, when things create stress, when things land on you like a ton of bricks and you're like, yeah, right. This book is about resetting yourself with the phrase, let them. So my kid decides, I got a couple of really good examples. My kid today decides that she's going to go with her and she's, she's overseas in England right now, studying abroad, that she decides she's going to go to Edinburgh, Scotland with her friends this weekend. And we had told her that we are coming to visit her over spring break. And then we would like to see Scotland, but she decided she's going to go a second time just for funsies and see the exact same things that we're hoping to see with her as a family in March. Okay. And while I know first world problem, right. I mean, that's, that sounds like not an incredibly important problem, but it was a neat opportunity for me to practice. Let them. Okay. Well, they want to go do that. Let them. Right. And then, and then the other, the other piece that she teaches it's let them is the first part and let me as the second part. So it's about how am I responding, reacting to, to whatever the stimulus or situation is. And then let me is making a choice about what I'm going to do next. Right. And the whole book, well, I'm only four chapters in. So I'm really a little premature here, perhaps in talking about this because I haven't even read the whole book, but it's so wonderful. I'm just eating it up. I mean, I'm only four chapters in, but the, the other area of practice I had today was my son decided we had, we were kind of having a leftover night and my, we had two meals. One was like a Hawaiian fried rice kind of thing with ham and pineapple. Beautiful. So yummy. The other one was like, I'm going to call it tortilla soup, but a little, a chicken tortilla soup kind of thing, but a little bit more stew like, so it wasn't super watery, a little more Stewie. Anyway, we've served it over chips and it was kind of like loaded nachos. Yeah. So we ran out of chips and we did, you know, so, I mean, we had chips for the dinner, but now this is leftover like two days. So we don't have any more chips. And so, or tortilla chips. And so my son decides that he's going to eat both that he wants to put the pineapple fried rice in the tortilla soup together. And I had to say, let them, you know, like I I'd had to remind my, I, you know, my first instinct was, ah, no. Right. And then I thought, just let them. Right. And like, even, even just now I'm seeing my, I'm seeing myself in the camera and the, the, even my physicality changes. And she talks about this in the book that you, that when you sort of have that response to no, or I got to control this, or this is, you know, this is a threat must be dealt with, right. That we get like kind of locked in, we get tense, we get tight, we get, you know, we get stressed, we get activated, right. Physically. And, and what I love about her, the book so far and what she talks about is that when you say, let them, you actually, your body actually responds in a way. That's like shoulders go down back, you know, back loosens, you know, your, your net, you know, you sort of your shoulders pull away from your neck. Right. Like there's a, there's like a response to it. It's like your, your whole body settles. And, and I've, at first I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Fine. I, I believe you, but I didn't buy it necessarily right away. And I'm a little, I'm skeptical. I can't imagine that you wouldn't believe that. Right. Well, cause I love control. Let's just, let's just lay it out there. I love control. And, um, and up until now it has served me very well. I've done, I've done really well controlling everybody's shit, you know, for a long, long time. Here I am about to turn 46 years old and just, you know, and I've, uh, it's worked for me for the most part, all these years. And so figuring this out, I'm like, it is such a, yeah, it's such a shift for me, but wow, is it liberating and such a relief to, to put into practice. Like, for example, when I said, let them about, when I said to myself, let them about his dinner, I was like, all right, what's next? Like, I found myself, I found my, my, my, uh, headspace, my mental capacity on unburdened. And that this is, I mean, just check out the book. That's I mean, the bottom line in all of these words is check out the book because it is on this exact subject. And so far it has really given me a simple framework that has allowed me to say, I don't have to give, I don't have to give my energy to this, but then what a powerful reframe. I, first of all, I want to say I'm a huge fan of Mel Robbins, right? So anything that she writes, I'm like, please listen to right. She's one of the very few people, like there are a handful of authors that I'm like, anything they publish, I consume multiple times normally. Um, but man, what a powerful, like reframe, whether you're actually saying it out loud or you're saying it in your head. And like, I know reframe is a word that I use a lot on here. And I think, well, my son said to me the other day, uh, because he does actually listen to the podcast. So if you're listening kids, I love you. But, um, but he was talking to me about like, mom, what does that actually mean? Right. Like, what does reframe mean? And it is, it is just truly a pivot. So like, think back to like we're moms here and we all like probably had to play basketball and gym at least one time. Right. And where they're like, okay, now you've touched the ball with both hands. So you can't dribble anymore. And so they're like, you can pivot on one foot, right? One foot has to stay planted and you can pivot and spin around on the other. And that's all that a reframe is, is being able to spin around and see a different option. Right. That's what that allows you to do. And, you know, Lacey, you brought up a very interesting point there where you said, like, I used to love control and that had served me very well up until now. And I controlled everything, which I'm actually going to talk about a little bit more here in a little while, but I would actually say you are controlling more now by actually saying, let them, because the only thing you can really control is you. Yes, you're so right. She's, yes. I mean, it's an illusion, right? The control I thought I had was actually a lie. I mean, it really, it really wasn't reality. And the only way it served me was in absorbing all my consciousness, right. Rumination, worry, loss of sleep, all the things, right. Like that's what it was taking from me. And I thought I was winning, but I wasn't, uh, it turns out and, and you're right. You don't thank you for that because I had, I hadn't thought of it that way. I mean, obviously I was experiencing the benefits or I wouldn't be over here touting the book on the bike. Right. Yeah, absolutely. But I, I didn't think of it that way that I actually am winning the control game more by letting it go by saying, let them by, by stepping back from the connection to the, the trigger or, you know, the thing that drops into my experience, right. Instead I'm saying, nope. And, and, you know, and, and the, this, the space that that has created already for me in four chapters is astonishing. It's astonishing. So I, yeah. And, and she talks about one of the, one of my favorite parts of the book so far is she talks about the connection to stress, like that, how, how control creates stress, the correlation between the two and how actually are, uh, are, so she talks about the, the, the reason that let them theory works. And the reason there's this, uh, kind of relaxation and, and even physical response to saying, let them is because our, our pre are, she talks about the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, uh, those, those two pieces of the brain and, uh, parts of the brain. And she brings in like all these experts and neuroscientists and doctors and all these things into the discussion. But what, something I really, I just never heard this way was she talks about that the prefrontal cortex is known for controlling the normal function of the brain, right? Like that's our sort of, uh, control center, the, the, the, you know, the, the bridge, if you're a start for those of you who love Star Trek as children, uh, you know, the bridge, right? That's the prefrontal cortex that, that when we, uh, when we have, when we go into stress, right. And it could be a little bit of stress or a whole lot of stress. It doesn't matter. The body actually responds the same way, regardless of the degree of stress that we actually, that the, the operation of our entire system is handed off to the amygdala when we get into stress. So the amygdala is their, its job is to handle the stress response. So we actually lose, we lose control of a lot of our power and energy. When we go in, when we allow stress, when we allow that stress response to happen, we actually are, we're, we're, we're kind of like downshifting all the way into this, you know, amygdala brain zone where, where we're not, we're not even in control anymore. Right. It's like autopilot took over. Right. And I just, I, that blew my mind. I was like, okay, I've heard about, obviously I went to school, I did biology, all the things, right. But like, but I'd never heard it like that. I never, I didn't realize that stress me, me getting, getting there, getting to that stress response actually takes me further from myself. It actually, I am giving my power away by allowing the stress response, Mike drop. And I was like, what? That's, that's amazing. That's like, I don't know why, but that just like that set in with me so hard. I'm like, I'm never doing that again. Yeah. Cause it's not just allowing, I'm going to even be as bold and allowing maybe what she said at me now I haven't read the book. So, but I'm going to, I wrote it down, but like in some ways it's even creating that stress response. Right. Like, Ooh, man, that's powerful. And you know, I'm sure everybody has heard the like, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but the truth is, is that's a blatant lie. Like you can. And the thing is, is that when you start to do something like say, Oh, this is this, and this is going to be my trigger to like, right. And start to reframe constantly. You begin to build new neural pathways in your brain, literally build new neural pathways in your brain. You're giving your brain the best workout that you possibly can. So like huge, I love that. I'm so glad you shared about that book. Well, and I mean, isn't it just so, so related to this question? I mean, it's, it's just, it's just absolutely perfect alignment, perfect timing for, for this question. And you know, it, it isn't a, it isn't an immediate, it's not a, it's not an instant fix. Right. But it is, it is something you can apply over and over and over and over and feel the results every time. Right. Like you, and, and so it, it's just, yeah, it's life-changing it's it's completely and utterly life-changing. I think it's, it is, yeah, actually the book says, it's funny, self-proclaimed a life-changing tool that millions of people can't stop talking about. There you go. She was right. Love it. She was right. We are not sponsored. I'm going to just throw that out there. No, we are not. No, we are not. If you want to Mel, just let us know. Come on over. But no, seriously though, from, from my heart to yours, this book addresses exactly what you are asking and what we all feel and what we all experience. And can I, you know, can you imagine how much, how much more life you could enjoy, how much more fun you could have if you just did not attach, did not, you know, activate that stress response and just said, eh, let them. I love that you said that. I had a situation come up and I told you I'm facing a lot of change and just in my life in general right now. And like, we're like, today I was in a conversation that was very change driven with somebody I care about. And they, we were talking about everything and it could have been easy for me to spin like, oh gosh, this and this, because I was like, yeah, I can, I can do that. And this, that, right. Like, and it, and I want to be really clear to, I'm being very conscious to not name names and stuff here and out of respect for that person. But if you're listening, I want to help and support. So let me make that really clear there, right. But it would have been an easy space to like walk away from that conversation and feel heavy, feel the stress of it. But truthfully, I did try to look at it through the lens of like, what, what can I control and how do I impact? And honestly, looking through that lens, leaving that conversation, even though I may have left with more on my plate, I felt lighter. Yes, because you didn't, because you didn't activate that stress response. Yeah, exactly. So the, the thing that I have written down here and I have a couple of things, but the first one I wanted to talk about was like, really, we have two circles as people, right. We have our circle of influence and we have our circle of control, right. And what lives in the circle of influence, this would be like your close friends and family, your children, your husband, your maybe business people that you work with, where you can say, I know we've talked about in episodes like, Hey, I witness you, or Hey, I've seen this. Or honestly, if you're a really good friend, you're going to be like, Hey, you need to knock this shit off. Right. Like, like, because being a person who loves somebody means that we have the hard conversations too. Right. But all you can do is, and hopefully you're leading with love when you do this, but is influence. All you can do is share, right. You cannot force anybody. And I don't care if it's your two-year-old or if it's your 92-year-old, right. Like you can't force anybody to do something. Right. You can, you can try to influence, right. And as parents, like I said, with your two-year-old, like we may physically help them course correct. Like, no, we're not going in there. We're going in here, but that's still influencing. Right. Yeah. And then we have what we can control. And what lives in that circle of control is you it's like, I am the only thing I can actually control. It's just me. It's not my kids. And that's hard pill to especially now that they're sassy teenagers. Yeah. It's not my husband. Right. It's not people that I go to church with. It's not my extended family. It's not my coworkers. It's not the random stranger on the street. It's not, you know, your neighbor, Billy Bob Joe. Right. Like it doesn't like, I can't actually control them. Any of them. The only thing I can control is me. Right. And even my circle of influence, while I'd like to be like, I can influence the world. And I do believe that I can make, and everybody has an impact to make that will make a ripple effect in the world. I believe that fundamentally, but I can't control them. I can't control them. And like releasing that and letting them, right. Is really, really powerful. And when you can look at it through that lens and be like, well, I can't control that. The government now believes that we're all women. Right. Like I can't control if TikTok gets shut down. I can't control the price of eggs. Good Lord. I wish I could. I wish I could have backyard chickens, but I can't do that. And I can't control the fact that I can't do that. Right. Let them, just let them Becky, let them. Just let them. Right. Well, I would like to not let them be like $6 a dozen, but I can't control it. Right. I can't. And so knowing that, I don't want to say your impact is small because I think that your impact is big, but your influence and like what you can control is just you. And if you can just focus on that, like think about for a second, Lacey, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. That if we as human beings would only control what we could control, what would the world look like today? So what the flap are you waiting for? Hit the follow button and become part of our growing flock because let's face it, it'll be fun and you're worth it. Yep. It would, well, it looks super different and we'd all be a lot happier. Because, because even just in these, I I've been reading this book, probably I've had this book, not even a week, but in this week I've had this book in hat and sort of, you know, gained this surface level understanding of this theory. I, I have been so much happier this week. And even amidst, you know, challenges at work and different things, I found myself just really like, just ready for it. Like, all right, bring it. Anything you got, I know what to do with it. Right. Like I've just felt, uh, you know, just more, more prepared, uh, because, because I don't, honestly, it feels like less work than I've been doing for the last 45 years. Right. Like everything that could possibly come my way or cross my path feels so much easier with this in mind, because before I had to arm wrestle everything, you know, and, and in, in the, in an effort to control it when it isn't controllable. Yeah. I bet also, like, I bet you're sleeping better. Yeah. I bet you're like, you feel healthier. I bet all of those things. Right. Because like you said, we're not, we're not targeting that stressor in the back of our head. And like, as moms, I think that, um, the idea of what can we control seems really big, right. Because a lot of us are running households and I don't, I don't necessarily mean financially, maybe you are right. But like, like I think in most of the world and not that dads don't do a great job, right. But I can't speak about dads. I'm not one I'm a mom. And I think that there is still this kind of like moms run the house, right. It doesn't from what I have seen. And that's not always the case. And I recognize that. Right. But I would say in a vast majority that we still kind of see that, like, whether you're full-time working or you're full-time at home, like when kids are sick, they want their mama. Right. Like, like, I don't know about you, but I know at my house, my kids will walk right past my husband to be like, what's for dinner. Right. Like, and that's, that's just a personal thing. But like, so I think sometimes as moms, what we can control the house is a mess and this and this and this, and I have to do this and I have to do that. I'm guilty of that. Right. And for those types of what can I control and how do I control what I can control? I would say like the best, the best advice I ever got, there's a gentleman named David Bird and he, he helps, he helps keep time management. That's probably not the right title for him, but I heard him once one long time ago when I was doing network marketing and he was talking about like how to set up your day, your week, your year, your month for success. Right. And he was like, what you need to do is make a list of all of the big things. Yeah. And then you need to realize that you're probably only going to get three of those done because the little things are going to come in that need to be handled urgently. Right. Or like you need this. And he's like, so you need to make a list of all the things that you need done. Yeah. Or that need to be done. And then you pick your top three. And if you get through three, great. You can, you can pick another one. Right. But you need to say, what are the three biggest priorities for today? And as far as like those things, like, let's say it's the house is a disaster. So you need to clean the kitchen. You need to do laundry. You need to do this. You need to do that. Like, listen, I know I just said moms are in the household, but we are not in this alone. What can you control in that? Can you control that there are tons and tons of laundry because kids, people wear clothes every single day. And if you have kids, they probably wear five pairs of clothes in a day. Right. Like necessarily control that, but what you can control is who you ask for help. Yep. What you can control is saying, Hey, this is too much for me to do today. I need your help with that. I did that with my oldest son today. I said, Hey bud, my meetings ran a little long. I'm going to need you to cook dinner. This is what we're doing. It's really easy. It's like, go grab it out of the freezer and get it done. And he did. Did he love doing it? I don't know if he did or not. Probably not. Right. Yeah. But did he do it because we've created a culture of like we're a team and we run this household together. Yeah. Yes. Right. So there I used my, my, what can I control was me asking for help. And I used my influence to try to receive that help. Right. And it worked out for me. It doesn't always work out like that, but it did work out in that time. So yeah. Let me see any thoughts on that. That's a great, it's a good, that's such a great example. And you know, I love what you, I love the, the, the, uh, insight that, that author speaker teacher, you know, offered about like handle the, you know, three big things and, and let that, let that be your focus, right. Put your energy into those three things you've identified and, and, and count on disruptions and be okay. If that's all that happens. Right. And, and it, I mean, it ties back perfectly to Amanda's question, you know, where to focus your energy is on those three things you identify, right. Let's say daily. Right. And then anything else, anything else, let it go. It's, you know, and, and it's, it's a little bit, it's more of a like, yeah, sort of productivity kind of technique, a little less, a little less about, uh, you know, controlling other people and controlling yourself, but very resonant though, for sure. I mean, with this and such, such good advice. And, you know, the only, the only other comment I had on that kind of that last question is, uh, how do you figure out where to focus your energy and let go of the rest? And my answer to that is I pay attention to what makes me feel good and what makes me feel like shit. And if I, and if I feel good, you know, if the thing, uh, if the thing makes me feel good and I feel, you know, calm and ready and, and, and happy and, and, you know, available to it, then I, then I, then I take the next step. Then I, you know, then I carry on with it, right. If it makes me feel icky or I have reservations about it, or I'm, or it makes me sad or mad or whatever, then I don't do it. So I, that sounds really elementary, I guess, now that I said that out loud, but like it's, I place my focus on things that make me feel good. I will say though, I'm going to, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here because we were talking right before this too. Like Lacey, you're really in tune with yourself, right. And like, I would just say, like, I think that's great advice and like, make sure that you're listening to what your, whatever you want to call that your spirit, your inner self, your unconscious mind, your like, whatever that is for you, whatever that word is. Right. Because there are times where we feel uncomfortable. Lacey and I actually had a really long conversation before we pressed record about how every time before we record the podcast, there is this, I don't want to say it's resistance. It's yeah, it's definitely resistance in the form of stretch, right? Like think about a resistance band, not like, not like a magnet, right? Like it's a stretch. It's about how for us, we know that that is growth. It is leaning into that for growth. Right. And so I would just say, be really mindful of your body and your like, whatever your inner self is telling you. Right. Because if it's like, Oh gosh, I feel nauseous about this. Or if it's just, I feel uncomfortable. Like, listen, we're not giving you an excuse to stop, stop showing up for yourself. We're not, we're not, we are not giving you the excuse to stop growing. Right. Like, I'll be really mindful of that. And, and saying that, yeah, that's a great point. And, and, you know, I'm, I'm glad you said that on top of what I said, because what I said didn't come out quite how I, quite how I hoped it would, but with that layer on top, it it's, it's perfect that sometimes the thing sometimes yes, lead with what feels good. Right. Absolutely. Like if, if you're aligned with it and energetically, it feels good and you like it and you're looking forward to it and all of that, that's a good sign, right? Follow that. But, but if you have, you know, the resistance or the negative feelings or that I don't, that doesn't, that makes me feel like shit a little bit. I think what Becky's saying a little bit is dig into that, right. Or try to understand why, right. Because sometimes the, sometimes the not so good feeling is because it's a challenge or it's putting you outside your comfort zone or it's that stretch goal or moment or whatever. Right. But, but then there are honestly, legitimately times that like, that's not mine. I'm out. Yes. Right. Like, no, like, so it's important to know the difference. It's so important. Yeah. So I, yeah, perfect. I love it. Yeah. It's, I mean, this is so incredibly relatable. I feel like we say this every single time and, and it's true every single time that these questions that come in are just incredible and so timely. And I I'm continually amazed at the sort of personal alignment that these things have, that these questions come in and I'm like, Oh, that one was for me. Yep. Yep. Cause sometimes I think they're more talk about that. Yeah. Sometimes I think they're more for me than the listeners. If you want to know the truth, I was like, okay, just needed to talk that one out. Well, undoubtedly you and I are both growing as a result and we're, you know, our, our hearts are so full of intent and love for everyone listening, you know, that, that you get something out of this as well. So. Yeah. Well, I had just one last thing that I wanted to say really kind of an answer to second part of that question. And I am just going to do what I'm feeling led to do. So Amanda, I know that you said like, how do you figure out where to focus your energy and let the rest go? So I'm going to ask you just all to trust me right now. And I like, if you're listening, I want you just to close your eyes for just a second. Okay. And just get to like a really calm, comfortable place. I promise it's only going to be a minute. The world's going to keep spinning. And now that you're there, I want you to picture two remotes on the table. And one is like a universal remote and it can control like 17 different things. Right. And then there's another remote and we're going to say that remote's just sitting on the right side of the table. And this remote is beautiful and it's unique. And it's unlike anything that you've ever seen before, because it's a really good representation of you. And when you pick up that remote, you see on it, the things that you can control literally, right? Because we can control how we act. We can control how we respond to people. We can control who we let live rent-free in our head. We can control who we give our power to. We can control what we say yes to and what we say no to. We can control asking for help. We can control how we talk to other people. And we can control how we talk to ourselves. And while the other remote might be bigger and it might have more buttons, it's not uniquely you. And it has a bunch of things on it that you can't control. So when you're feeling the need to say, how do I find my focus? Close your eyes and come back to this spot and look at that remote and ask yourself those questions. And if you can't answer yes to them, then it's okay to let it go. Okay. I don't want to come back. I closed my eyes. I checked out. I love that. Yay. Oh, that was beautiful, Becky. I never, I never would have thought of a remote analogy, but boy, was that perfect. Now it's time for bed. Now you got me all meditate. Now you got me all meditating and calm. Now I need to go to bed. No, just kidding. It is. It is very, very, very wintry and dark here in where I live. So it's like, yeah, I, I, I tend to go to bed about this time. So there you go. But I, but I am real life here folks. Well, I'll tell you what I, you know, I deserve rest and I'm giving that to myself more than I have lately, but because you can control that. Well, there you go. I, yeah. And, and, you know, the more, the more I lean into giving myself those things and, and clearing out all everybody else's crap that I can't control the more, just the more, you know, well, I feel overall. Right. Yes. Yeah, that's true. Yes. I walked at work three days in a row today or three days ago and this week, I mean, and, um, and that doesn't, hasn't really happened. I love to walk outside. Like we have this beautiful where I work. We have this beautiful, like walking trail system kind of thing. And, uh, you can't, I mean, winter sucks here in the Midwest. And so you can't get out there very often. And I made an intentional decision to find a treadmill and walk it out these last couple of days. And I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of you. If you're doing things to take care of you, I'm proud of you too. Yes. And I'm proud of you, Becky, for showing up as you always do in your cute hat. Thanks. It's actually just to hide my bad hair and keep me warm because like you said, Midwest winter. Yeah, I'm over it. But your flamingo, the flamingo behind you is giving me tropical vibes and I love it. Yes. It makes me happy. I moved up there today, actually, because I was like, I need a little more joy when I'm looking in the camera. Yes. And for those of you who can't, I don't know, can you see, let's see if you're not watching this on YouTube, you gotta watch it on YouTube. Cause we're doing some funny things now showing you our worlds, showing you our world, but you can see my flamingos back there too. I have a couple of really, really cute ones that, that hang out with me while we're recording. So wow. Another good episode. I'm so, that's awesome. Thank you so much for your contributions. Everyone really please continue to share your thoughts and questions with us. We love it. You know, it's yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's good for everybody, right? That sure is. So thank you. This was a great and timely question. I think I agree with you. I know we've said that like probably 17 times at this point, but I will just say it again. And with everything going on, Amanda, just thank you for being brave enough to ask, because I think sometimes we hold those things in and we just let them fester. And the best thing that we can do is talk about it in a safe space. And I'm so grateful that we can be safe, a space that is safe for you. Awesome, Becky. Love you. Until next time, everybody take care.