I Was SO Mad

In this episode of This Flocked Up Life, we’re talking about that kind of mad—the kind that simmers just under the surface until the toy-strewn floor, the slammed door, or the half-hearted “sorry” from your kid sends you over the edge. Yep, we’re going there.

We’re unpacking what it means to feel truly angry as a mom, how to process those emotions without shame, and how to navigate the difference between forced apologies and real accountability (because let’s be honest, “sorry” doesn’t fix everything).

This episode is for every mom who’s ever felt like she was about to explode—and then felt guilty about it. You’re not alone. Let’s talk about it, learn from it, and maybe even laugh about it.

We'd love to hear from you! Reach out to us.
lacey@thisflockeduplife.com
becky@thisflockeduplife.com

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Transcript

0:06

Whether you're navigating the challenges of parenthood with a crying baby, a teenager, or anything in between, whether you have one child or a dozen, know this, we see you, we are you. We are modern moms and best friends with out-of-the-box kids, and we're here to cheer you on during this wild ride called motherhood. We show ourselves grace, build badass communities, and choose to embrace the chaos with love and humor. Welcome to This Flocked Up Life, because being a mom is messy, imperfect, and pretty flocking beautiful. Hey there, I hope you're having a beautiful day. I'm Becky North, and I'm here with my favorite Fleming gal, Lacey Burbick. How are you today, Lacey? Becky, I'm doing great, and, you know, here's hoping that I'm still great. Later today, I got a big important work event this afternoon, so looking forward to it. The weather's looking beautiful, so it should be a great event. How about you? I am doing fantastic. I'm utterly exhausted, like I think most parents are this time of year, as like sports are coming to an end, school's coming to an end, all of those things. It's been a huge, huge weekend here in our house with events, and we have the wrap of that today. We've got the joy of spending some time with family, and I am just feeling very, very blessed today. Ah, amazing. I saw that beautiful little girl of yours hit the stage. She was incredible. Way to go, Kay! Love you! Woo-woo! Go ahead and find your cozy corner, grab your favorite drink, and let's hang out for just a bit. Today, we're diving into the wide world of mom rage and managing anger, because let's be honest, we've all felt that bubbling frustration when the laundry's never ending, someone's melting down again, and your kid throws out a half-hearted sorry like it's a magic eraser. But their tone and body language scream, I'm not actually sorry. Oh, Becky, this is such, well, this is going to be cathartic for me. I have had the wildest week, and boy, I have been so mad lately, and hence the title of this particular episode, I Was So Mad. Do you remember, Becky, the adorable little books from our childhood? I think it was called Little Critter was the character name. The author was Mercer Mayer. Do you remember these? He was a cute little brown guy, and there was a whole series of books around this little fellow, and one of the favorite books that I had in that series was called I Was So Mad, and it was about teaching kids to control emotions and work with anger and things like that. It came up for me this past week. That book came to mind when I was having a total mom meltdown, if I'm being honest, after I discovered that my daughter had not taken care of something really important. And I was in the midst of my spinning out. I remembered that book, and I was like, yeah, that is exactly how I feel. I am just so mad. It was funny that there weren't like F-bombs and screaming and adult language or anything else. It was just me, literally just almost in a childish way. I am just so mad, like the kind of fist stomping, foot stomping, just so mad. So anyway, I'll tell you the story. I won't make you wait any longer. I'll tell you the story. So this past week, my daughter's in college. I think most of you know that now. She spent last semester overseas in the UK and in various places, and she came back from that towards the end of April. So she had about three weeks with us at home before she was headed back to her summer internship where she goes to school. So she left yesterday. And let me back up a few days from that. We were helping her pack, and she was trying to go through a 20-year-old's version of preparing and organizing and packing her belongings. Of course, she waited until the very last minute to do that, but she did start. And as she was working through that process, I was helping her move some boxes and pull some things in and out, and I discovered a little blue plastic clamshell. Most of you moms probably know what this is, what I'm about to say. Yeah, so I found this little blue plastic clamshell, and I was like, oh, that's familiar. Wonder what's in there. So I pull it out, I open it up, and sure enough, her retainers are in there, top and bottom. And she has those. They're orthodontic retainers that were given to her when her orthodontic treatment was complete. She had braces. She had braces way back in high school, and she's had these. She's been done with her braces treatment for like two and a half years or so, and she's had these retainers. And she was told to wear these retainers until you're 25, that you should wear these at night until you're 25 because your bone structure is not entirely locked in until a certain age. I guess that age is 25. And so she knew that she was supposed to do that. She didn't the whole time that she was overseas, which was almost five months, because the retainers were at home in our garage, packed in a bin. So surprise, her orthodontic treatment is now jacked and really not recoverable. Because in my anger in that moment, I made her try them on. I'm like, oh, well, look what I found. Retainers. Oh, what were they doing out here in my garage? Does I don't I don't understand this. Does that mean now that you didn't have these retainers in when you were overseas? And she, of course, gave me the deer in headlights, the shock, the shock. Look like, oh, God, mom's about to lay into me. And she's like, yeah, I'm sorry, mom. The whole like fake bullshit. I'm sorry, mom. Like, you're not sorry. You're sorry for the ass whooping you're about to get, but you're not sorry. Right. And of course, I don't I don't give ass whoopings. It's just a fun word. OK, to say. But yeah, go ahead. Becky, you have you have a comment there? I know. I just want to say, like, girl, like. I think it's funny because we we always have some conversation before the podcast, and we had some and I had like I had written something down here and I was like, hmm, interesting that that is what came up, because my immediate reaction as your friend and as a fellow mom and all of that was like, you've got to be freaking kidding me, right? Like, like, man, we spent, you know, like and whether it's retainers or whether it's, you know, you left your football cleats outside or it's like hairspray sprayed in the dance bag or it's, you know, it doesn't like there are like a million things that that could be, but it still is like. Can you not see the importance? Yeah, of this? Right. Yeah. I mean, it's a long term importance to like it's one thing. OK, they ruin shoes. Shoes can be replaced. You can't replace your you. Well, well, yeah, you can't replace your teeth. That's true. But you can't replace your like. OK, well, you can replace your teeth, but you don't want to write like we don't have to go down that rabbit hole, but anyway, what I mean is your you once your teeth are in a correct position with a specialist orthodontist who knows how to put your teeth in a particular position that, you know, you're not going to go through that orthodontic treatment again before you're twenty five, at least, you know, because I'm certainly not paying for it again. So and it's it's the time to like you both put time and energy and to appointments and to, you know, like all of those things and for years, money and money, right? Like we all know, even with great insurance, those things are still not cheap. Right. And I think. I sometimes in those situations with my kids now, I've not had like situations with retainers, but I have the like. You don't even know, like, like, do you know how many other things I could have done with that money? Yeah, you know, how many like like I don't want to say entitlement, but sometimes it feels a little like maybe that is the word that's coming up. Yes, is entitlement. And that, Lacey, really, truly was my initial reaction, like as your friend when I heard that. But then like what I got told as like we because we always spend a couple of minutes like writing notes right before we record. And you guys have heard us talk about that a lot. But like, yeah, what I told what I heard literally was anger often shows up instead of other things. Are you really angry or are you hurt? Oh, Becky, you always have a way of putting me putting me down in my seat with your inspiration. You're you're that's amazing. And yeah, I mean, I'm absolutely hurt. Yeah, 100 percent, because I feel like the investment that we chose to prioritize for her long term benefit, right, to for her to, you know, to to help her put her best foot forward in the rest of her life because she has an amazing smile. Right. Like it's it's a part of for me, it for me, it's it's deeply connected to self-esteem. For me, it you know, your smile is one of the first things your eyes and your smile is one of the first things people see. Right. It's I mean, it's how it's it's it's connected to how you show up in the world. I think and, you know, other people may agree or disagree, but and I had I had a lot of, you know, to stuff growing up and I still I still have to stuff, but just kind of a problematic. I don't know. I just have problematic teeth, I guess. But but coming up, you know, coming up as a child, my my parents did everything they knew how to do and worked with every dentist and doctor they knew how to to get to make my teeth straight and and beautiful and functional. And back then, braces was, you know, back then, braces was a thing. But it was a very it was a it was nearly unattainable then. I mean, the cost was exceptional and there weren't that many doctors out treating it and just didn't seem to be a priority in, you know, in the grand scheme of a person's health care. And so braces were not something that was possible for me. But I had my parents did every kind of orthodontic appliance they could come up with. And I mean, I had I had the expandable retainers. I had I had all the things my parents invested a lot of time, a lot of energy and money into getting my teeth worked out and as beautiful as possible. And while people tell me I have a nice smile today, I and my teeth are probably as good as they've ever been. They they're not straight and they're they're kind of kind of wonky. And, you know, and it's a yeah, it's a source of self-conscious. I mean, I'm self-conscious about it. It's something I don't love about myself. When I look in the mirror, it's the first thing I see. Right. And I know I know every mom listening to everybody listening to this can relate to that. We all have that one thing. Right. Or maybe we have multiple things, but at least we have that one thing. And and for me, you know, this was a way that I my doing this orthodontic process and making this investment for my daughter was a way for me to do better than I have, you know, to to give something to her better than I had. I eliminated a struggle. For her that I have that I still have that, you know, that that I that I don't love. And I felt like I felt like it was a yeah, it felt absolutely critical that she have that. And this whole her whole basically blowing this up and disregarding, you know, the after care piece. I think I'm so upset about it because I she had an opportunity that I never had. And and yet she doesn't give a shit about I think, Lacey, you hit on something so beautiful because I think that as parents, we all generally want to give our kids better than what we had. And it doesn't like that doesn't mean that what we had wasn't amazing. Right. Like, I mean, you guys have heard me talk about my childhood and stuff like that before. And, you know, Lacey, you know, a lot more. And but like, gosh, I was I was talking with my kids this week about like, man, I did some cool, cool things as a kid. Like I did like things that normal kids don't do. Right. Like and and so it's not about like, oh, it was bad or it was awful. It's that we just we want to we want to give more. We want to provide more. Right. Like and I think fundamentally that that's something that really kind of every parent has. I want it to be different than it was for me. Right. Because it's really easy for us to see the things we don't love about us. It's really easy for us to see the things that we wish would have been different. It's really easy for us to and in some ways, I might say we are programmed to see it like that easier than we are to see maybe the good. Like like that. It's easier. It's not really any easier. I think it's just the lens in which things are being filtered for us to like look back and be like, oh, that sucked so bad or this is this is what I don't love about me or this or that. And and we want to give our kids better. We want to give them different. Right. And we want them to give their kids better and to give them different. Right. And this constant evolution through that all. And so I think like like that was another another thing that came for me was like when we're angry, it's about finding the heart of why. Right. Because like anger is a big emotion. It's a really, really big emotion. And like the thing is, is it takes really deeply. So like when you are doing any kind of like personal work around emotions and stuff, normally they tap into anger first because it's like we have to clear this block to be able to clear the others because it's like the stopping point. Right. It's like the everything else slams into anger. And so oftentimes we are angry, but it's not anger. Right. It's hurt because we didn't feel hurt. The story that came up for me about like most recently when I was just so angry with my kids was and I'm not even with them, but with a situation. Right. I was like, so we have two rooms in our upstairs, two bedrooms, and all of our bedrooms have like the fan that the builders put in still. Right. Like and I wouldn't say I love them, but they're functional and it works in it. So we have a guest room up there and then we have my daughter's room and we were getting ready for a company to be here and they are like, mom, the light isn't working. Well, apparently the lights in both of the fans are still working in both rooms. Okay. But the lights have not been working and they have not been working for weeks. Now I'm like, okay, that's definitely on me. I should have been like, right. But my daughter didn't want to tell me because her room was a freaking disaster and she didn't want to get in trouble. So I'm like, we could have had a fire. Like, what if this was an electrical problem? And you're like, I don't want to get in trouble for not cleaning up all of my art stuff. So my husband goes up and he's like, okay, well, I'm going to troubleshoot. So he's in one room because they're like, they went out at the same time. So they don't share a switch, but they do share a wall. But I'm like, but the, but, and we're both like, but the fans are working, but the lights aren't. And I'm like, you know, on Google, like, which apparently that's the thing. A lot of times, sometimes the wire casings in like the fan itself can get loose and make the lights not work. But the fact that both rooms went out at the same time. So my husband is troubleshooting and he's finally like, I don't know. I don't, I don't know how to fix it. He's like, I'm going to call dad, right? Because his dad is like a master of all things. And, and he lives close, right? Like, and like, you know, he's yeah, he's really great around the house. And so he's like, I'm going to call dad and see if he can help. Well, it just happened that they showed up to our son's football game that day. We were able to talk to him about it. They're, they're on vacation and he's like, I'll come by after vacation. So it's been like a whole week now we're getting ready for dance recitals again, getting the house ready for company and all of that. And my husband's like, I'm going to take another look at it through a different lens now, right? Like, like, cause we were both pretty angry. Right. Cause I'm like, how can you have not had lights? I mean, they have lamps and stuff, but like your light didn't work for weeks. And you not say anything, right? Like, and I, I hear that out loud and I'm like, it's so ridiculous, but like, so he goes up and he comes back down and he goes, well, I figured it out. And I was like, okay, tell me, what was it? Cause I was ready to like, send him these Reddit threads that I found in these lights. So we're going to buy new ones or that. But like, the big thing was like that both rooms went out and he goes, well, somehow my daughter is missing one of the pole chains from her light. And apparently they had knocked the other one off when they were farting around in there. And when they put it back up, they put it on the wrong pole. So my husband's trying to pull the chain and he's pulling the chain for the fan. Okay. So he, her lights are working again because he had like taken out the light bulbs in her room and he brought them to another light and we're like, they still work. We tried new light bulbs. Like it wasn't working. And he goes, but I didn't ever troubleshoot the other room because they both went out at the same time. And they, and I was like, this is beyond my skillset. And it was just that the other rooms lights were burnt out. Right. And so now today I can laugh about this, but a week ago when they're like, no, we don't have lights in our two rooms upstairs. I'm like, what the actual fuck? Yeah. Like, are you kidding me? But when he's coming. Right. But I'm like, that is exactly it. Right. Like when I sit back and I look at it, I'm like, oh gosh, we had company here both weekends that that was on. And it was like this sense of embarrassment. I hated having people at my house with my parents when I was younger. Right. Like I really had one friend that I had over all the time and I was at her house all the time. We kind of took turns living with each other, but like there was a sense of embarrassment because they lived a very different kind of lifestyle than I live with my family. And, you know, and they smoked and that was really common in that time. But our house always smelled like smoke and art. Like, and it just like, like there was a lot of embarrassment for that. So I find that I'm like, oh, God, people are coming. Right. And like, it doesn't matter how clean my house is or is. I have three kids. We are in a ton of activities. We have three dogs. We like our house is lived in. Right. It's not dirty, but I'm like looking yesterday and I'm like, how is there so much dust when we just dusted? Like, like it just I don't know how how it happens. It's like the dirty fairies come, you know, you hear about like the cleaning fairy. I think I have little fairies that come and dirty our house. Right. Like, and I don't mean I don't mean I'm like, but I just mean like on a bigger, broader level. Right. But I do have feelings about like, oh, gosh, the people pleaser in me is like, oh, gosh, I have to I have to make sure it's this because I have a persona that and I even will be like to my best friends. My house is really lived in right now. So, like, yes, you can come, but the bed's not made. I'm really I'm sorry. Right. When really like, you know what? My daughter's room is typically a mess because she is a creative child who loves to live in that world. And we are able to supply her that. Right. My boys' room smells because he plays football and he sweats so bad and is so gross. And boys are gross. And like, yes. And but like, he's doing something that he loves and he's passionate about. Right. Like, my other son wants to knock everything over like it's bowling because we've poured into something that he loves and he's passionate about. And man, switching the lens on that, like, who that has been. Probably my biggest takeaway today. Right. It's not really is it really that I was so mad? Or is it that I wanted better for you and I didn't feel heard and I didn't feel seen and I didn't feel, you know, and I like it really is. I was so hurt. I was so hurt because I care so much. I was so hurt because we invested so much money. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it that's a great that's that's a great point. Yeah. And, you know, it it always my conversations with you, Becky, I always feel like their therapy. Right. Like it's free therapy for sure for me. But but I also I also feel like this this podcast gives us such an opportunity to also talk, you know, just talk these things out and feel through them and kind of just realize realize what is what is behind the anger or what is you know, what is causing fear or what is the nature of the hurt? And it's so important. It's so important. The healing work that I've done, which has been quite a bit now. Oh, it continues to surprise me when I give myself a chance to process. You said this earlier, Becky, processing is so important because my initial reaction and we've talked about reaction versus response. But in this case, with my daughter, this was certainly a reaction. The reaction was so big and so intense energetically, right, that that you there's no chance that you are going to process in that in that. No, yes, there is no chance I did. I had a full blown spin out. This is a Becky ism to spinning out is is the term which is so it's so true. It's so right on that that in the moment I'm spinning out and having a big reaction, there is I am not learning anything and there is no way that I'm going to get to the heart of the matter. There is no way that I am going to dial in what's really going on. I have to step out of that. I have to go shift into something else. I had to, for example, what I did was I went for a walk. Walking is one of my favorite ways to shift. I got out of the house and I said, peace, I'm leaving by like I I didn't I didn't talk to anybody. I didn't see anything. I didn't address any of the other to do's I had. I just left. Yeah, to go shift out of that. Can we just acknowledge that growth, though? Like, that's so big, right? Because like, would you have done that a year ago? Would you have done that six years ago? Would you have done that right? Like, no, man, like healing is hard work, guys. Like, and I don't care how perfect your life was. Everybody has stuff to heal from. Right. And our own stuff is big. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's different than somebody else's. It doesn't matter if somebody had a more traumatic or a better like that. We it's ours. It is ours. And it is real. And it is big. And it is that. And that's OK. Right. And that is like like I like I think it's important that you recognize that. Like, thank you. Even if you're like, I'll let everything else go. Right. I think sometimes we feel like we have to quantify it. Like, oh, I have to go on a walk. And that meant this. But like, who I saw what was most important for me at that time was stepping away. So I could reintegrate back in and be able to shift. And like, good Lord, people, if more of us did that consciously in the world. Right. And instead of being like, I'm sorry, or the dishes didn't get done because of this or this or that or any of that, like if we are just like, oh, I need to take 10 minutes to be me so I can show up as the best me in 10 minutes. Right. Like I need to focus on me for 10 minutes. How would our world look different? Yeah. Instead of powering through. So I'm super proud of your growth. Oh, thank you. I appreciate you seeing me. I it was it. I chose me in that moment. I said, you know what? No, I don't want to spin out. I don't want to feel awful. I don't want to scream. I don't want to get in her face and cuss at her. Like, I don't want, you know, all I don't want that. I choose. I choose inner peace. I choose me. I choose the most authentic version of me. And the way that I get her back is I remove myself from the situation and I go out and I ground or whatever, whatever it is for you. And I and I came back and I'm not going to say I felt amazing when I came back. I didn't. I didn't feel amazing. But I wasn't spinning out anymore. And I and I was in a place where I could make a new choice. Yeah. But I wouldn't say I was I wouldn't say I was totally reset. But but it was a big improvement where I was. And, you know, it just it's I, I continue to resist processing up front in the moment because I'm like, I just want to be mad. But the truth but the truth is, the sooner I process, the sooner I I let that I stop holding clenching my fists and stop holding that. The sooner I do, the sooner I start processing, the faster I can move through, the faster the truth comes, which in this case, the truth. And I shared this with you a little bit back and we'd sort of we almost got there earlier in the episode, but I didn't quite come out this way. And I want to make sure I say it really clearly. What happened was in that experience with my daughter is I the nature of my hurt and my anger is that I have. Wounded parts around my teeth and. I I prioritized my daughter's perfect teeth because I never had them. And see this this this emotion that's coming up for me right now is so important because I'm not actually mad at her. I wanted I wanted to be. But I'm not actually mad. The truth of the whole dynamic is that. There's hurt in here. It's internal, not external. But until gosh, until you. Yeah, I would have never back. I would have never gotten there two years ago. Nope. You saw you. You can vouch for this. I would I would just I was just an angry monster for days. I would ruminate. I would hold on to things and I would blame. I would hold grudges. I would do all the things I had all the tricks in my bag of tricks, ladies. And guess what? None of that's help. It's not helpful. And you know what? It it's important that I say this as well. Other people are going to do wrong things. Other people are going to do things you don't agree with. And it's it's not about. You changing, are you getting better? It's it's it's not about equivalence. It's not about 50 50. Well, they did this wrong thing to me. So I'm not going to heal or I'm not going to grow or I'm not going to accept or I'm not going to allow I'm not going to let them. Right. It's not it's not about equivalence. It's about I can't even come up with the word, Becky, but I see you nodding. It's it's a it's not a competition. It's not a competition. And and I've struggled with the feeling of, well, I just have to accept. Well, I just have to allow. Well, it's all on me. You know, I've I've I've experienced that sort of victim. Mentality. As I've been working through things and. It's not about one person doing more than the other person or about that other person's wrongdoing, it's it's about being able to move on and live your best life. It's about allowing. Slap are you waiting for? Hit the follow button and become part of our growing flock. Because let's face it, it'll be fun and you're worth it. I am so glad you brought this up because I was like, I want to talk about the half hearted like I laughed so hard when I was like the half hearted. Sorry, like a magic eraser. And then when I was like taking my notes before this, I got a little smacked in the face because. I as a recovering people pleaser say I'm sorry all the time. And listen, I'm actually cognizantly aware of that and I say it way less than I used to and I still say it all the damn time. Right, like and so. And and as a recovering people pleaser for me, and this is a tide, I promise, but it is that like it's my trauma. Response. Right, it's oh gosh, it feels uncomfortable and I have to make it better and I don't know how and I'm sorry. Right, it's little girl, Becky, just like it was little girl, Lacey, right? Who's like. I just. I just want to be loved. I just want to be accepted. I just want to feel seen. I just wanted this and so I'm going to do whatever I have to to do that right like. You know, this is I didn't feel and I'm not saying these are your words, right? So this just was coming up for me, but like I didn't feel pretty or I felt embarrassed or I this or that. And of course, like I said, we want something better for our kids. But like even I'm like, oh my gosh, the reason they give me half hearted sorry is because I say I'm sorry all the damn time. Oh my. And I like just got full on goosebumps, so I know that that is what I'm supposed to say, right? Like, like, but I hate I'm like sorry is not a bandaid. That's what I tell my kids all the time. I'm like, I'm sorry means I'm going to make a conscious effort to do it different. So if you're not going to make a conscious effort to do it different, don't say that. But am I showing up like that little girl Becky showing up like that? That was big for me because sorry doesn't fix it. It's our actions behind. I'm sorry that fix it. And so let's put the magic eraser away, ladies, because I think a lot of especially women in our generation do that same thing that I'm sorry thing like. That's right. It's funny. I have the opposite problem, Becky. I don't say I'm sorry. Yeah, no matter of fact, I don't matter of fact, I don't say it probably when I should say it. But no, I don't I guess I'm an odd bird. I don't have that problem. But my my God, it felt so empty, though, when my daughter said that to me, right? When I was holding that sixty six hundred dollar investment in my hand and she says, I'm sorry, mom, like, I don't know what else you want me to say. I'm sorry, mom. Well, guess what? You don't have the opportunity for behavior change. Yeah, but I can also feel your insincerity and that sucks, you know, right? And people, like you said, are going to like whether it's our kids or whether it's our friends or whether it's this or whether it's that doesn't matter if it's Bob, the builder on the side of the road, people are going to show up like that in our lives. And that doesn't mean that we don't process and we don't work through it. Like, let's get past the compartmentalizing that we've been taught our whole damn lives and actually face the issues to show up as our best selves, like you were said, like it's hard work. But do you know what? You are worth it. You are worth hard work. And the saying like you can't teach an old dog new tricks is bullshit. Absolutely. It's bullshit. Like you can change if you want to. You can evolve. You can grow. You can heal if you want to. But nobody else can do that for you. Yes. And we can't do it for our kids. But what we can do is model it. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, you're so right, Becky. And I just it isn't it isn't fun sometimes. And it isn't supposed to be fun. Like, I'm sitting here crying on a podcast like that's not supposed to happen. Like, that's not what I wanted. That's not you know, but that's real. Yeah. And that's the work. Yes. And and allowing that to come up and out, allowing those words to be spoken, showing up with tears on YouTube. Yeah. For those of you watching us on YouTube is, you know, is. It's it's necessary for growth. It's a part. It's a part of the growing. And yeah, it's so worth it. It's so worth it. I understand the layers of life so much better than I ever did before at 46 years old, because I because of this work I've done and and I think and I know there's more work ahead. And I actually I'm I'm on fire for it. I crave it because I see how far I've come. And that doesn't mean perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Just saying. Um, yeah. Insincere apologies. Oh, yeah, that's that was in my notes. Yeah. Oh, there's there's just about nothing worse than that. Yeah, but I yeah, I had some I think we'll probably have more episodes on that topic alone. Yeah, that is another. I'm like, oh, that feels really big. That feels really big. So right. Like, I also want to say something, you know, they see that you said that, like, that, that triggered something for me, I think, as we heal, and as we grow, and as we get older, and as like, even even if you're not like, let's say, doing the work consciously, right. And I like, that's not me calling anybody out. So please know that because I think that like, we're naturally working, even if we don't recognize it, right. But like, even if you're not consciously doing the work, there is evolution still. And most people, right. And I'll just say, like, our feelings and that it's funny, because I always come back to anger. Right. And I know I mentioned that earlier. But let me explain what I mean. I was given the most beautiful compliment from a very, very dear friend of mine. On Mother's Day, we were messaging back and forth. And she said, you were the mom I aspire to be. Oh, and beautiful. I was like, but you know, that instantly where my brain went was to the unhealed parts of me. It was to the mom who blew up because the lights weren't working. It was to those, like very human moments where I showed up very human. Right. And I'm like, oh, but you don't even know. For the mom who's feeling that today, for the mom who is so mad. And maybe you're not at a point where you can process it. And maybe you're not this and you're not that. Like, if you can't do anything else, lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend like you're pooping for two minutes. Right. And truly see yourself through somebody else's eyes. Right. And cry and cry, whatever you need to do. Scream or like whatever that is. Right. Like, I know, Lacey, you said you go for walks. I turn on Wicked and I sing it at the top of my lungs. Yeah. My kids know if I put my headphones on and I'm singing Wicked, like, do not mess with mom. You defy gravity. Yeah, I do. And that's, you know, that's silly and that's my way. But like, like, seriously, you're doing a good job. And this one moment, even if it happens more than once, it is not the thing that defines you. It is not the thing that defines you as a person. And it is definitely not the thing that defines you as a parent. Right. Raising kids is hard. We are constantly challenged. And those little mini me's, like, can push us in completely different ways because we do truly see ourselves in them. And because we want to give them the world. So for the mom who is so mad today, it's OK. It's OK to be mad. I think, like, we need to normalize that. That is, anger is a normal feeling, right? What's not OK is to hold it. So if you find yourself holding it, let's find a way to shift. And like you said, Lacey, it's not about, like, oh, I went for a walk and I came back and it was Snow White's village again. Right. That's not it. Guys, when we say shift, it is literally being able to move enough that you can have a different perspective. Yes, it is. It is. I call it pivoting a lot. Like, you know, like in basketball where, like, the one foot is still stuck in it, but you can turn just a little to see a different view. It's not sunshine and rainbows and healed. And I don't feel like this anymore. It's OK that you didn't wear your retainer, that you didn't have lights in your room for weeks. It's not that. It is saying, like, oh, I recognize that this may be something that's bigger than that. Right. I recognize that. And so let's, you know, and that doesn't mean that you still don't have feelings. But it does mean that now that you have a different perspective, that maybe you can reach for something to help you process that. So, yes. And, you know, Becky, I love that I have goosebumps all over my body right now. That was so amazing. Thank you for sharing that. And I, I just also want to add, and I think we'll wrap up with this, you know, celebrate every shift, every pivot, every time you do that or realize you've done that, celebrate you, take praise yourself for that. Effort, yes, and that that connection to who you truly are and who you want to be. It's it's it's every time you see her and celebrate her doing those things, the easier and easier it becomes. Mmm, yes. And I think that's all for today. Thanks for being with us until next time.